Formal learning comes second: Supporting Social Emotional Health

Originally published March 22, 2020 on my Learn Anywhere Blog.

My daughter loved preschool. She loved it so much that, when June came and school just stopped, it hit her hard. Not seeing her friends, favourite teachers, and having a big upset to her much-enjoyed routine shook her into a regression. Tantrums and a rollercoaster of emotions were frequent that summer and it's something I think many parents are facing now with their children off school.

We are facing unprecedented, and often really scary, times. It's okay to be scared. None of us have faced something like this before. And, it's okay to show our children we're concerned. Our children need to see us as fallible humans. What is not okay is allowing the fear of the unknown to overtake you. Mandee Shean, writer at The Conversation AU and lecturer at the Edith Cowan University School of Education, noted,

You can’t promise things will be safe or certain. But you can assure them that as a family you will work together to manage whatever comes up in the future and that you are there to listen to them . . . Research . . . showed children’s fear of [Swine Flu] was significantly related to their parents’ fear of the disease. This effect of parents passing on fear even exists when there is nothing to fear.

Fear can be debilitating. Fear is why we panic-buy toilet paper and why so many of us have illogical anxieties often inherited from our parents. This is extremely problematic for our children as the National Scientific Council on the Developing Child notes,

Science shows that exposure to circumstances that produce persistent fear and chronic anxiety can have lifelong consequences by disrupting the developing architecture of the brain.

While inheriting fears is definitely a trait connected to our own hunter-gatherer ancestors, irrational fear is not necessarily a trait that we want to pass on to our own children. So, how do we keep our kids calm when it's hard to keep ourselves calm? Here are four of the easiest tips I can offer:

1. Full disclosure, I'm a librarian so this is going to seem super bias, but a 2009 study by the University of Sussex* found that reading for just 6 minutes reduced stress levels by 68%, surpassing listening to music (61% reduction), taking a walk (42% reduction), or playing video games (21% reduction). A study at Emory University found that reading has "longer-lasting effect on the biology of your brain.” And while I'm at it,

A 2018 National Literacy Trust study found that children who enjoyed reading were significantly less likely to have mental health problems, while the Centre for Longitudinal Studies found in 2013 that reading for pleasure has a four times greater impact on academic success than one parent having a degree.

2. Okay, hate to be one of "those people", but there is overwhelming research that having an enjoyment of reading is directly linked to strong academics throughout all subject and school career, including through university and beyond. If you're anxious about homeschooling your child during these months, imagine how your kid(s) feel? the #1 thing you can do for you and your child is read.

The Ontario Library Association Studies found numerous international studies reiterating the fact that reading enjoyment is a significant factor in improving student performance not only in literacy, but in science and mathematics as well. Countless studies show the importance of reading to improve vocabulary, which "is associated with better vocational, academic and health outcomes," but reading aloud to children of all ages is "associated with higher achievement in reading and maths, and better ability to regulate behaviour."

When parents share books with children, they also can promote children's understanding of the world, their social skills and their ability to learning coping strategies. When this message is supported by child health professionals during well child care and parents are given the tool, in this case a book, to be successful, the impact can be even greater.

3. Mindfulness. Yes, that trendy word that seems to be flooding the parent and educational blogs, books, and websites, actually works. Lisa Sadikman, writer at Mindful Littles,

As parents, caregivers and teachers, our natural instinct is to protect our children from difficult news, but the anxiety and panic around the coronavirus is hard to avoid. Sometimes the best way to navigate the difficult emotions is intentionally moving through the anxiety and stress together.

There are several ways to practice mindfulness. Love & Learning has offered Tools to Bring More Calm and Connection during the Coronavirus Pandemic and Beyond, which has games, self-compassion posters, and gratitude tools that can benefit children.

SEL Labs offers some advice in their article, SEL In An Unplanned Home School Setting.

Worry arises from uncertainty and a lack of control over circumstances. Let your child know what is in their sphere of influence to manage circumstances and the feelings they evoke. Some of this involves things like the norm-setting routines described above; some involves the steps you as a family can take to stay safe and healthy, like social distancing handwashing. Some may involve self-talk reminding that we will get through this.

4. When your thoughts and emotions are confusing and you are overwhelmed by your own mind, what do you do? Vent? Eat a tub of ice cream? Drink? Shop for excessive amounts of toilet paper? Well, children don't yet know how to manage these feeling in a health way (and I doubt eating a tub of ice cream and stress shopping are very healthy coping mechanisms). Vanderbilt University noted,

Young children deal with many of the same emotions adults do. Children get angry, sad, frustrated, nervous happy, or embarrassed, but they often do not have the words to talk about how they are feeling. Instead, they sometimes act out these emotions in very physical and inappropriate ways.

It is our job, as parents, to help our children recognize their emotions, identify what triggers them, and build up positive coping mechanisms.

When a child can make the link between their thoughts, their emotions and their behaviour, they are less likely to struggle when difficult emotions occur. This is because your child learns to reflect on their reactions to triggers and, over time, identifies what they might do differently in the future.

Teaching our children new ways of coping and healthy ways of dealing with their emotions may be difficult because many adults don't have healthy ways of coping. However, by concentrating on the needs of our children perhaps we can development our own unique and healthy ways of coping with stressful times. Reframing the way we speak, interact, and react to our children when they are emotionally fragile can, perhaps, not just support their emotional needs, but our own as well.

*This particular study has been used & quoted in many articles & educational blogs, BUT it's wicked bias as it was commissioned by (I think) a book publisher and the actual report is nearly impossible to find. It doesn't mean it's total BS, but not exactly research with legit academic integrity. That being said, I did use it because of it's prominence in online research plus there are other peer-reviewed sources that do support reading for stress reduction:

Rizzolo, D., Zipp, G. P., Stiskal, D., & Simpkins, S. (2009). Stress management strategies for students: The immediate effects of yoga, humor, and reading on stress. Journal of College Teaching & Learning (TLC), 6(8).

Jin, P. (1992). Efficacy of Tai Chi, brisk walking, meditation, and reading in reducing mental and emotional stress.Journal of psychosomatic research,36(4), 361-370.

Hölzel, Britta K., et al. "Stress reduction correlates with structural changes in the amygdala." Social cognitive and affective neuroscience 5.1 (2010): 11-17.

Tarrasch, R., Berman, Z., & Friedmann, N. (2016). Mindful reading: Mindfulness meditation helps keep readers with dyslexia and ADHD on the lexical track.Frontiers in psychology,7, 578.

Kim, B. Y., & Bae, M. J. (2019). A Study on the Stress Reduction Effect of Reading Aloud the Book Using HRV.International Journal of Engineering Research and Technology,12(9), 1457-1461.